Kiss Me
by Lupin3Black
Summary: Remus just needs. Just needs to feel alive. Needs to feel loved. Needs to feel human. Needs to feel complete. Slash.
1. Chapter 1

**I have no idea where this came from. Completely different than my usual that's for sure. **

**Kiss Me**

One-shot

Remus J. Lupin shuddered violently, his movement made the knife skid further than he intended, beads of crimson rose fast on the pale white bed of his arm, almost mocking a red paint on a white canvas, a twisted sort of paintbrush, a steel sharp paintbrush. He winced, but made no more noise as he dabbed a white sterile towel on the wound. Effectively staining the virgin white with his blood. His dirty blood. The reason he was doing this treacherous act in the first place. Tears ran down his cheeks like rain on a car window. They dripped onto his arm and he wept, the knife falling to the floor with a wild clatter.

Remus buried his head in his lap and sobbed bitterly, he couldn't even do such a feeble task. He was a mess. He used to be able to grin and bear the gruesome task he called life, but when his mother died, he just couldn't. He didn't have her constant letters telling him it would be okay, that she was proud of him, that he was needed to keep her warm on the long winter nights.

Then she died.

Actual death, not like the fake stories he came up with to keep the rumours at bay each month, actual literal ending, sort of death, the type that stayed with you for years after it, that racked your body with solent so bed until you had an ache in your stomach were she belonged. It had affected him worse than most, leaving him with only his father to fall back on when clearly John Lupin was unable to void any human feeling let alone take care of a grieving 16-year old boy.

Remus racked a hand through his hair, matting it with a mixture of blood,perspiration and sweet tears, pulling at to make sure that yes, he was alive and yes, he can still feel things.

"Remus?" A bleary voice asked from the doorway, Sirius Black was squinting at him through the dim light the bathroom had to offer, obviously not seeing the knife or the tears flowing freely down Remus's pale face.

Remus didn't answer, instead wiped his eyes with back of his hand, wincing when the salt of his tears mixed with the blood.

'Rubbing salt in a wound' he thought, bitterly smiling through the cruelness of the world he lived in. Oh how fate hated him, his bleary childhood, lythrocapthy, the death of his twin brother, the early death of his mother. It was all some twisted sort of joke to life.

Sirius spotted the blood and chuckled "Did you try and shave again Moons?" He switched on the light and saw the glint of the metal against the smooth surface of the tiles.

"Moony? You didn't do this right?"

Remus didn't answer, he was too busy trying to remember who he was, what he felt, could he feel? Was he even capable of emotion.

"Oh Remus." Sirius said, tears welling in his eyes as he watched his closest friend lose an internal battle. He sat down next to the sick boy and wrapped his arms around the fragile teen, as if he was made of the finest china to be taken care of.

"Sirius?" Remus whispered, somehow coming to the realisation that there was another person with him.

"Yes?"

"Am-" his voice shook precariously, and Sirius clutched him closer, "Am I okay?"

Sirius didn't know how to answer. He didn't want to lie and say yes, the boy would think he was fine and carry on hurting himself to the point of death but, if he told him no then that could tip him over the edge, confirm his thoughts of insanity.

"I-I don't know Remus."

"Me neither."

Both boys sat in a blank silence, each filled with their own fears and personal dread.

"Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"Don't let me fall?"

"I'll never let you fall Rem, never."

"Never?"

"Ever." Sirius said confidently.

"Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"Kiss me?"

"Always Rem. Always."

I'm not going to say Remus John Lupin got better. Because that would be lying. He always had this small niggling in the back of his mind that he wasn't good enough, he didn't deserve to be here. But then, he found Sirius and both boys held on to each other. Relied on each other. Made each other feel needed, wanted.

Made them feel loved.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay this is for Sian'Olivia who asked for a sequel and here it is! enjoy!**

**Hold me. **

One-shot. Sequel to Kiss Me

Sirius sighed wearily, he was so scared though he dared not show it for fear of seeing Remus off again. Remus was having another nightmare again. These had been going on for a while, they weren't normal though, most screamed and thrashed about wildly, writhing and yelling their fears. Remus however, stayed quiet and curled up into a ball, only letting the occasional heart-breaking whimper.

Sirius padded over to the four poster bed opposite his own and pulled open the curtains, he was right, there was his moony unconsciously baring his soul for the world. Letting them hear his every fear in each slight whimper he let escape.

"Rem! Hey c'mon Rem its only a dream!" Remus jerked awake with a slight cry and opened his amber eyes wide, his face unknowingly streaked with zigzags of tears.

"S-S-Sirius?" He squeaked, Sirius smiled sadly. The dreams were getting fewer as the days crept forward but they still were here and Sirius hated them. They stopped when Sirius slept in the same bed as him but Remus refused, Sirius knew Remus was desperate to hold on to any pride he had left after the scene in bathroom a few weeks ago when he unwillingly bared everything.

Remus opened his arms wide and Sirius crawled into them, wrapping his strong arms around Remus's fragile body. He petted his hair softly, making soothing noises as Remus broke down into his shoulder.

It was this part he hated. This part when his Remus broke down. His Remus was stronger than everyone he knew put together, but when he cried, he seemed no more than a lost soul crying out against the winds. It tore Sirius's heart in two to see the man he loved try to collect himself again. Before they got together, Remus was all over the place, his grades were slipping, he talked less, his skin was paler, he had loud frightening nightmares every night without fail and he was breaking.

But then Sirius came along an helped him pick up the pieces and he was slowly being out together again.

It was taking long, but a broken heart isn't mended in a day.

"I-I-I love you Sirius." Remus sobbed into his shoulder. Sirius smiled through the tears that were making their way down his face.

"I love you too Rem."

"Always?" Remus peered up at him, his pale face streaked with pearly tears and his mousy hair ruffled. His animalistic amber eyes were glowing hopefully and Sirius could help but smile despite the situation.

"Always Remus. Ill always be here. Ill always love you. Ill always need you. Your my anchor. You keep me sane. I love you will all my heart Remus. I love you I love you I love you. Never forget that love," Remus blushed slightly but smiled all the same.

He leaned in at the same time Sirius did. Their lips touched ever so gently, just a mere touch but it meant the world to each of them.


End file.
